Another Reckoning

I can’t believe it’s finally over. The struggle that consumed till the last bit of energy I had, for several days and nights of my college life. Caught in irrevocable times, I learnt my lessons well and for good. My mind continuously evolved while sinking down the ocean of endless sorrow. I don’t know if I learnt all the concepts that were taught in my college. But I’m pretty sure that I got to learn the life-concepts. May be these four years were meant to be a part of my life. Thanks to the backbone I developed in the process, I could finally make tougher decisions by introspecting. It might seem ludicrous to others but they will have step into my shoes to comprehend.

I was a mediocre example on how to screw up studies. With a given amount of time for preparation and all the abundant resources, I still screwed it up. It seemed so unfair to blame myself as I was going bonkers with those circuits and vicious lecturers. Passed every semester touching the stacked up books at the eleventh hour. Saying “First thing in the morning, I’ll open up Lesson 1” on the night before exam and miserably falling asleep to glory till it’s time to pack up for college. Don’t try this at home folks. Fortunately, I have a job to screw up now.

Found much more love for photography and the only thing that could bring me back in one piece. I still remember those days when I used to scout everything and everywhere from a hair-pin to a tall building while listening to Linkin Park and the album Vice-Verses by Switchfoot. It brought a great deal of clarity and the courage to face and deal situations. I would scan the object looking for each and every detail. I would say that photography is the best thing that happened to me. I could have made it as a career but I am not confident enough and I thought that it would not generate a huge income unless I have expensive state of the art equipments and a job in NGC. If I had the opportunity to take up photography as a career in the near future, I would definitely make a call and never look back. But I have gotta save money before that. I’ve gotta have a solid and reliable source of income. 

My mind is completely crowded. It’s been a while since I have had a sound sleep and Mr. Deep-in-Thought has nothing else to worry about. I have already messed up my undergrad big time and it keeps me worrying about the future. 

My date of joining has been pushed till March 2013 and I have about eight months to bring myself together. Umpteen miles are there to cover in my adventure of self-discovery and this sends me back to my pensive state. I haven’t yet figured out a road to take.  

The Flight of the Damned

We thought we knew right; I doubted it though.

I was at the middle; in between the divide.

My soul stepped out to see it through.

We define our truths and less we care of the life beside.

I started to rebel with all the might I had.

I was deceived, made blind by wicked illusions.

I gave up the battle bowing to the blood fad.

Tormented and maligned, I had to make my confessions.  

Among the fallen, I was chained to the ground.

The subtle clues to the world above, made it hard to go on.

Became so weak to listen to a sound.

I could have crossed many miles yet I waited for them to pinion.

Like shattered glass, my life fell apart.

Every piece that fell, began to reflect the suffering.

Was a casualty of war, within their rampart.

I closed them eyes; listened to the inside bellowing.

I break off with wounds so deep.

I shed those wings to have new ones.

I pick up the pieces, with lots to weep.

I wonder where to begin and I fly so high to the world I own.

Reasons to Move On

I don’t want to transcend this period of my life. These four years have taught me more than what I was meant to learn from the day I stepped into this world. Like metal, I was melted, broken and forged into a new being. Stepping out from my comfort zone really made me discover myself. It was cold and treacherous at first. But beyond those gates of despair lied the most tranquil and eternal life. I was able to clearly view the mess I made out of my life and bring some sense to it. There are a whole lot of things I wish I should change in the future yet it makes me want to live those moments once again.  

While I began to dig deeper, there were lots of dirt around me. Every now and then, I won gold. Those valuable, priceless pieces of lessons I was taught. I discovered my potential on countless occasions. Be it photography, be it music, I never knew I had the abilities earlier. But I felt uncomfortable during the initial few days. Every time I wanted to do something new, I got weird feelings and I dropped it off. It all takes a try. It doesn’t cost anything. So, try moving out of your zone and you will have a strong will made of titanium when you begin to do the things that you want to do but makes you uncomfortable. You will have a less mediocre life too.  We ought to grow up today to be a better person than the kind of person we were. Win over yourself.   

Life had plenty of surprises and I was walking to a place I have never seen before. There were plenty of people around me to hit my head and tell me what I had been doing was wrong. With a poker face, I was reluctant to listen to them and I wanted to make punch bags out of everyone. Most of them were a bit harsh but the way I see it now, they had given me heedful instructions. I think that I’m meant to learn things in the hard way. Exploring music in between all the chaos was like quenching in the barren lands of a desert.

I never stopped laughing when I was with my buddies back at college. I did insane things with them realising that if I let go those moments, I might not get time to rendezvous in the future and will definitely regret in the years to come. I had people to give me a hand when I was let down and gradually, I was comfortable with reality. Lived it off like life was meant to be aimlessly stridden. I wished that I would pass out holding on to these memories.

Eventually things were stirred up and I was blamed for living a purposeless, futile life. My own conscience began to shake my world. I had been making dramatic changes in me after going through a lot. I was having a perfect life that I refused to move on. I became so much abulic to step forward and was labelled a loafer.

 I had to retrospect to realise that I had been only savouring the journey and there has to be a destination. Right through my life, I have never performed impossible feats and I understood that it’s about balancing both extremes. Enjoying the journey whilst aiming for the pinnacle is the key. Greatness lets you have a more satisfying life with an ultimate purpose. Moving along the herd will only let you have an ordinary life and so you gotta stand out in a crowd. People will say,” He came, he lived and he left”. Scribe out the things you think you should achieve in life so that in the death bed you have fewer things to regret about and you should live in such a way that your life influenced others’ living. Life’s worth a try folks!! And you’ve got only one chance.  Be the best of what you can be. Strive to achieve something in life that makes others think that you stood up for greatness.

In the present day, I live on. I choose the way of the water. No matter how much you obstruct its path, it still slides in above or between. Even when disturbed, takes its original shape. I’m gathering the risks which I refused to take even after knowing that it would help me reach the peak and I vow myself that I will be above all this chaos one day. It’s time to get back in the game FASTER and STRONGER!!!