The Whereabouts of a Wayfarer - Part 2

A word from the writer: The travelogue's narrative goes back and forth. Please pay attention to the location and dates for a better reading experience. Just being experimental. Thank you for your time. 


The Ghost Town and the Yellow Sweater:

Long Beach, New York.

May 30, 2016

As if the whole town was cast in some sorta spell, Long Beach was all gloomy and swallowed by fog reminiscent of my times in Fort Bragg, California. The deserted streets were reflecting signs of horror rather than a nice and hippy beach town. Nobody could have heard me scream my lungs out if someone had stabbed me in the alley. It was deadly calm. I looked like a douche with a fedora hat and a sunglass in the cold climate. I heard the playful laughter of children running towards me to vicinity from the fog covered boardwalk. Yes. Signs of life at last. I strolled along the long boardwalk that covered the entire Long Beach which was cold, spooky and hidden completely in fog. I needed that type of climate after walking in the scorching sun for the past few days. 

The Long Beach train station was calm yet creepy unlike the busy ones in India. I looked at my watch and the billboard which both agreed that the train will depart to New York in a few minutes. I went towards the platform to have a look at the docked coaches. Trains always fascinated me since childhood. I turned to see a young woman reading a book under the canopy of fog and surrounded by trains. She wore a hand-embroidered yellow sweater with interesting sewing designs. With her blonde hair neatly tucked away from blocking the angelic view of her face, she was setting my demons on fire for sure. Her presence was tethering me to a stunning reality which was otherwise engulfed in melancholic ambiance at the train station. It felt as though my hot breath turned into icicles in front of her. Before I could get gather the courage to talk to her, it was already time to board the train. I blamed my behavior to pay keen attention to intricate details of her face when I should have spoken to her in the first place. 

I entered the last coach as it would be easy to get off at the Penn Station. She was already there. "What have I walked into?", I thought. I couldn't help but listen to the conversation between her and the train conductor who seemed like a cheerful guy. I was helplessly looking for seats standing between them. 

"Are you seeing someone right now?", the guy asked her. Bloody hell that was my line. 

"No, I'm kinda getting to know someone. I'm half-french and 30 years old.", she spoke and her eyes seemed to repeat whatever she said. Well, she looked the part for half-french but never 30. I was convinced she was definitely lying. May be she wasn't. 

'You took the bullet that I dodged buddy. I'm sorry', I thought. The conductor's face lost all it's charm and the cheerful grin was never to be seen again. I put my fedora hat on my face and I snoozed off to glory. 

The Mind Boggles:

Midtown Manhattan, New York.

May 30, 2016

This place, Times Square, sure to bring a smile every time I stepped foot into it, was glistening cos of the hot sun. The temperature spiked up that day with no signs of occasional light rain and with tourists pouring in every second. I was on my way to the New York Public Library to spend some quality time with the books, accounts of early writing, preserved manuscripts of authors like Charles Dickens. This was going to be my second visit as I felt I could have stayed a little longer the first time. First time was just see and move on. 

The NYPL is located at the 5th Avenue at 42nd street adjacent to the most lively and beautiful public parks. Developed in 1920, later redesigned in 1935, Bryant Park stands out as one of the most loved hangout spots in midtown Manhattan. Wedged in between the Ave of the Americas and the Public Library, the park offers 360 degree view of the skyscrapers, places to relax, the ironical open reading rooms, chess, ping pong spots, exotic grills and bagel joints. During this trip, this was easily one of my go-to spots to unwind. 

I made up my mind that the library affair was just a fleeting moment. I did not see that coming. It hit from nowhere that I should take a train to Long Beach, one of east coast's isolated and breathtaking beaches. The spontaneous and the most exciting plan I ever made in NY, I thought.

In a sudden caprice, I started walking the other way towards Pennsylvania station. The return flight was due in 20 hours back at the Newark which meant I had a few hours to kill. I had already packed my stuff and gave them away to the concierge. No dead-weight. No worries. Just the open road. 

The Retrospection of Independence:

Washington D.C.
May 28, 2016.  

My folks wanted to visit Washington D.C. before they flew back to India. Of course, I hopped in for the plan and cos of zero opportunities to deny. I was rather tad concerned and least excited to see all the political scenes there. So I'm gonna run the spinning wheel, fast forwarding to my solo travel adventures, giving you a glimpse of this place.

To start of with, this was a guided bus tour with an annoying tour guide. With all the smooching between a 70-ish year old man and his love affair who looked like his daughter, I was pretty upset about how this mini-trip turned out to be. Forgive me for being judgmental. The scorching heat created fumes in my head and really took a toll on me. I shoved in my headphones, the only appropriate response that I usually use to counter  the monumental bullcrap around me. 

I dwelled in the jetstream of my past choices, as I closed my eyes wishing that I should be teleported back to NY. One of my recent ex-girlfriends hit me with an astonishing yet deceitful truth about family. She said, "When we're away from family, all we do is miss them. But when we're with them, we don't seem to care and we can't wait to run". Moment of Truth. All I was able to do was blame the crevices in the generations, past and present. I am a masquerading mess in front of them unable to show my true nature. 

When I'm away, I am liberated to be my best self, transcend limits of my potential and thereby embrace my life. Truth be told, I miss them too. During moments of despair, like the ones that haunted me during my injury, I feel like running back to the world I know. To be in touch with things that are familiar and understanding. But is there any fun to tread upon known soil? 

Fancy or not, I like to live life on the edge, slumber on the jagged corners of the realm. But as a student with a lotta debt on my head, I can only hope and ponder. My soul won't settle until I have truly transcended my limits. Both physical and mental. The day I am relieved of my chain of responsibilities, I will start packing my suitcase with a grin, live off adventures and become the prodigy I am destined to become. Even with liabilities, I'm living the dream. But the plan always and always has been to take it up a notch. 

We were exhausted when we reached Manhattan and my family was getting prepared to leave the States. I had one more day, one precious day to enjoy my time there. I looked up places to visit and things to do in Long Beach, New York.  

Medley of Manhattan: 

Uptown and Downtown Manhattan, New York.
May 24 - May 28, 2016.

Following a standard set of tour itinerary, my uncle family decided to visit all the tourist attractions. I've been with his twin kids since they stepped foot in this world as I watched them grow up one second at a time. I still remember the day these two leapt and ran all the way from their mother's clasp to my arms when I was residing in the hostel. Like the rebel that I am, nothing in this world seem to control them. Sometimes they remind me how I should go on about life and you can imagine how fun it is to travel with them. 

For a few days, I was enjoying my family time while my pensive, solo-travelling, all-adventuring personality remained untapped. It was a certain other worldly experience. 

Some of the activities worth doing were the memorable Sunset Cruise along the Hudson river, Interped warship museum, Central Park, Hell's Kitchen, New York Public Library, Grand Central Station, Empire State Building and the spectacular One World Observatory. I needed more time for some of these places and I thought one lifetime wasn't gonna be enough.

Most of the days, we survived on Starbucks frappuccino, croissants and energy bars. Dinners were grand at Saravana Bhavan. 

Take a moment of pause here. We actually once took a limousine to Saravana Bhavan just for the heck of it. My family is learning spontaneity. It seemed ridiculous that my bucket list was being checked off in the most random events.  

Completing the Big Bus uptown and downtown tours, my family decided to see the White House, Washington D.C in a one day bus trip. 

It was Day-3 when there was a timelapse of past events that flashed in front of me along the streets that housed the New Yorker hotel. 

  

A New Dusk Fades:

Back Home, Florida. 

May 30, 2016 - July 25, 2017.

I had a pint of beer at the legendary Hard Rock Cafe at the Times Square before I left to Newark for the flight. Worthy of a satisfying end to the trip, the place had the artifacts of the 
few of renowned modern day musicians. I leapt in joy when I saw the broken guitar of Linkin Park. Under the rainbow colored neon lights, I serenaded myself to glory with a strong brew of Shock Top. 

The return flight was literally empty. So we were asked to scatter and sit. I slept like a log taking all the three seats. 

Oh and did I mention? I got a summer internship offer from my university at the department of executive education. I was their Marketing and Web Developer Intern. Pretty dynamic and fun team. One day, the entire workforce came out of the office, cheered the two of us up for a Pokemon Go battle as we were trying to beat the living shit of the campus gym defenders. They called us Ani & Ami. I guess you can imagine the rest. My kinda work, my kinda people. All work and all play.  

July 27, 2017.

I woke up to the sound of thunder striking, unable to go back to bed. A new bed to sleep under a new roof. I moved in temporarily with Mohan.  I shifted my posture to see if I can get some sleep. It was going to be a busy day after all. To no avail. The ripples of these times were giving me a hard time unable sleep it all off. 

I quit my job the very same morning to focus on other academic stuff and the second year of job hunt. 

At this time, I am not very cautious in making changes to my life. God knows I try harder. Before I piece it all together and fight this war, I thought I needed all the help that I could get, from friends and family alike. I have a strange feeling history will not repeat itself this year. Cos the same time has brought back to me the friends I thought I had long lost the pleasure of being with. 

Me, Loki and Nive are here in the US. My Infosys friends from a past life. I met Nive recently when she made a surprise visit to my city. The hug we had, brought back years of memory. Loki is on his way to become my roomie. I couldn't ask for more.  

It's been a year since we all moved to the US and still haven't got a single clue how time flies. Look where we are now. Flip through the pages of that album that will show you the faces of people who came into our lives, who stayed that way and people who left. Count the raindrops on your window that will reflect the memories you made. When things are said and done, memories are all but remains of the times that drifted away from our hands like sand. If you are reading this, consider this a thank you note from me for being there as a part of this incredible journey.

And for New York. A majestic land of dreams that set my heart on fire and opened the gates for humble beginnings, new pathways, old mistakes, tiny pockets of happiness, larger than life hearts and trying times. 

I could still hear the distant saxophone and the brooding guitar from the streets. New York, I Love You.

The Whereabouts of a Wayfarer - Part 1

The sound of people talking, a train storming through the subway station, the ambiance of the city lights, the howling winds over the shoulders, the smell of Gucci, Ralph Lauren heels striking the floor, scenes of urban traffic, the distant saxophone on the street and the madness. I could not stop these even in my sleep. For a guy who saw everything in black and white and grey, it's been months since I wished that I could use some magic in life. Nothing else mattered. 

Road to Runway: 

I was slowly but steadily taking control over my life after the recovery. Stating that these times were very much eventful would be an understatement. Although I joined late in the race of who gets the summer internship insanity fest, I tried the best I could. I got interview calls from companies like Dow Jones (Wall Street Journal), Fidelity Investments, etc. Getting calls were a big deal that time. By the beginning of this year, almost all the firms in the US had my résumé, knew that I'm not a disabled person, not a protected veteran and my entire goddamn history. I think I'm gonna spare you from the trouble of listening to this sob story. 

Moving on to stuff. As soon as I got off the crutches and the braces, I volunteered at my university's English language institute to teach and help learn the language for struggling international students. They assigned me a chef from Italy. No she doesn't smell like pizza. A 22 year old girl with a growing passion to establish her own pastry restaurant and with a pair of glowing eyes towards life. Eccentric yet fashionable. Well let's just say that she's everything I would consider my type and man-oh-man, she's an amazing cook. I was floored by her Coffee Tiramisu and Cheese Capsicum Risotto. We were kindred spirits. It was no shocker that she would eventually go back to her home country and so we agreed to keep it casual and short. We used to have meeting sessions for English and as well as cooking lessons at our places. She stayed at her brother's place quite far away from mine. While we used translator apps for conveying words with difficult meanings, we were pretty good at showering feelings at each other. Gainesville was awfully cold that time. Trust me, Florida gets cold too. I took strolls in the moonlight with her, held her when she's cold, spooned on the couch with her, painted galaxies on her bare back. We woke up together and felt the sunshine on the face. Our last memorable night was my birthday when I took her to a Pink Floyd listening and laser party. The scenes of the night were perfectly camouflaged under a starry sky. She left to Italy without a goodbye and that's how I wanted it to end as well. I made up my mind not to make a big deal out of this.   

I was quietly going insane. The job hunt crashed and burned my hope of pulling myself together. It was actually all about getting my life back after the injury and the happenings. My uncle called me one morning to tell me that he is gonna tour the US & Canada with his family and would like me to join them. He gave me three choices or locations to do it. California, Canada and New York. I booked off the tickets without having afterthoughts about it. I realized I needed to disengage and wander off for a while so that I can focus on the things to come. Since I had already visited California and Canadian visa will take some time to get processed, I decided to go to NYC.  

The Insignificance of Existence:        
                                                             
Times Square, Midtown Manhattan

05/22/2016

Track: Closed Shades by Crozet 

With a lot of hassle to reach the Orlando airport, I arrived Newark after a rather very short flight. The pizza I ordered in as soon as I checked in to the hotel was surprisingly delicious for a cheap hotel. I had told my friend earlier that I always wanted to rent a rusty apartment with a table and chair adjacent to the windows that offered spectacular view on the bustling streets of NYC and that I would spend the evening with a book and coffee vapors. May be next time. Since taking the NJ Transit train from Newark to NYC seemed like the quickest commute, I reckoned to take the AirTrain from the airport to the train station. With Times Square as the only place in my agenda, I set foot outside of Pennsylvania station at 1700 hrs. As soon as I was out on the streets, I was overwhelmed by tall buildings till the horizon, lights dazzling everywhere the eyes could see and the crowd far from nonchalance. The Empire State Building ruled the skies from afar as I walked past the majestic New York Times building towards the intersection touted as 'The Crossroads of the World'. Over 330,000 people approximately pass the Times Square daily on an average. Serving as the hub of the infamous Broadway Theater District, it's buildings are decorated with brightest high-definition billboards that attract tourists from all over the world. I was spellbound at the sight of the scene. "I'm just getting started!!", I thought as I stood there in between the river of people flowing in and out of the 42nd street and 7th Avenue. The problems, the depressed life, my shattered will, the very existence of my life in this universe, were all a minuscule fragment compared to the colossal proportions of the place. I took the Northeast Corridor train back to Newark that travelled under the Hudson River to New Jersey. I patted myself on the back for making the most efficient and cheaper way to visit NY and at the same time stay in a cheaper place. The journey commenced with a pink twilight reflecting on Hackensack and Passaic rivers in New Jersey. I turned on the TV to watch the unraveling of one of most devastating Game of Thrones episodes, 'Hold the Door'.  

Mysteries of the Universe:

American Museum of Natural History, Upper East Manhattan
05/23/2016
Track: All Time Low's Missing You

I took the entire morning to narrow down the places that I would be visiting that day and as I wasn't into visiting mundane tourist spots, finalizing the places took a lot of time. I carefully planned my meal times in between to avoid any potential delays. My uncle pushed me to visit the Museum of Natural History while I was skeptical about it. I wasn't a museum bloke any more. All I enjoyed were summer sunsets, cold beach water on the toes and eternal starlight. Convincing myself to visit the museum was a very hard thing to do. I picked up all the powerbanks that I plugged in the night before and ate hashbrowns and toast for breakfast. 

I reached New York by noon. I reached in for my earpods to listen to All Time Low's Missing You and it went, 

"Hold on tight, 
This ride is a wild one,
......
....
With so much left to do
You'll be missing out, and we'll be missing you"  

By the time I reached American Museum of Natural History, my nerd self was alive and kicking. I had already purchased the admission online to avoid the queue there. However I had to buy tickets for the IMAX screenings at the Hayden Planetarium Space Theater and Samuel J. and Ethel LeFrak Theater. The girl at the counter made me walk unnecessarily to the theater with just the admission tickets and I went back to buy the IMAX tickets frustrated. She gave me the tickets for free after apologizing a million times. Welcome to America! The first showing was the 'Dark Universe' which was all about how scientists developed techniques to identify observable distant galaxies which later was instrumental to pave way for The Big Bang Theory. Narrated elegantly by Neil Degrasse Tyson, we were venturing into the unknown dark side of the universe, billions of light-years away. Perhaps the most interesting concept in cosmology that I learnt was calculating the inter-planetary distances using red and blue wavelengths emitted by the revolving planets themselves. The show was spectacular shaking me to the core of my perceptions. The day before, I was feeling tiny in Times Square but now. How far does the universe stretch ? Is there anybody else out there? Are we destined to go beyond to the dark side of the universe? Questions circled around me like black clouds. Somewhere in the hoardings, I read, 'Earth is the cradle for humanity but one cannot stay in the cradle forever'. I was reminded of our drinking sessions which have been about space travel and interstellar communication lately. Thanks to my good friend, Mohan. We would go all night on and on about it. With Hans Zimmer's Interstellar soundtrack in the background, we felt as though as we poured a shot of the sky in our glasses with the stars dazzling in the drink that re-establishes our connection to ancestors and the seat of our souls. We're ridiculously high pretending like astronomers. 

I quickly ran through all the exhibits before my next show. Some of the highlights were, the first meteorite that hit the Earth, the mighty 122-foot long Titanosaur larger than any known dinosaur, hall of gems and minerals and hall of origins and cultures. 

'National Parks Adventure' was the next documentary screened. This one narrated by Robert Redford, followed a family visiting all the infamous American national parks and how Teddy Roosevelt decided to establish them by a collaborative effort to preserve nature. I've always wanted to hike all the national parks someday.

I was overwhelmed and breathless when I exited the museum. Light rain greeted me on Columbus Avenue where I decided to break from schedule for lunch. With no second thoughts I ordered biriyani and kadai paneer at an Indian restaurant, Saffron. Reasonable yet exquisite, the side of the restaurant facing the street was fully made of glass walls and windows. I leaned back to enjoy the panoramic view of the street, parallel buildings and the busy pedestrians. Every one of them who passed by me had a different story to tell. Each person showing different signs of emotions and levels of energy. Humans fascinate me and are just as mystical as the universe itself. New York is known for quite a lot of things. It's multi-cultural and ethnic people are renowned. The rain brushed the windows with falling droplets while although my view was obstructed, the sight was astounding. I turned around to see the waiter seeing me as I enjoyed my lunch and the view. He was amazed to see me getting lost in my own world. It was 5 PM and rather an odd timing to have lunch. So, I had the whole restaurant to myself.

Hues of Hoboken:

The High Line, Western Manhattan.
Track: Now That I've Found You by Martin Garrix

I packed some of the leftovers for dinner as I couldn't eat the whole biriyani. This time I had very little songs in my playlist and I made sure that I was able to listen to them in loop. Some of them were mind-blowing. From alt-j to Nothing but Thieves, the songs were completely different genres. Sometimes I let the ambiance take over by pausing the music.

I realized that I had little time to spare till the evening journey back to Newark. The only place I could visit was the High Line, a 1.45 mile long park built on a elevated rail road that stretched throughout Western Manhattan. I figured it was a best place to catch the sunset considering the position and height of the place. Offering the most beautiful view of the city and roads, the abandoned railroad re-purposed into a park, went through tall buildings giving you a sight that you simply cannot forget for a lifetime as though you're walking on air.

           

"Some say you can never go back

To the city built for dreamers

But I know we can find it on our own

The one shot that we fire at the sky

But this time we are together

We're right here in this moment where we belong"

And I'd walked a long distance after my surgery for the first time. Felt so good to be back on my feet again. It felt as though I was walking on a long ledge and I'd stagger. I found strength to walk further to the end of the line. Something mystical was devouring me with distant calls from afar and it was getting louder and louder. I stopped for a moment to take in all the breath I needed. What was in front of me was the setting sun behind a 180-degrees view of the Hoboken skyline painted on a pinkish violet canvas of the sky just above the Hudson river. I realized that I breath and live for moments like these. My ever-monochrome life was hit with shots of color the very second I reached the end of High Line. 

A feeling came to my senses that I was very far away from where I started that paralleled my journey from catharsis back in 2012. I had made calculative decisions from then on, patiently waited to move a step ahead, planted my foot so firm to get it all under control. After 4 years, I felt that whatever I had, slipped through my hands. I no longer controlled my outcomes and the decisions I took rippled catastrophic repercussions throughout my world and the people in it. Praying in vain for a chance to relive it all once again, I started walking back towards the historic New Yorker hotel. 

Fortitude: The Road to Recovery

You must be wondering, “What could have possibly changed in life since the last post?” Every damn thing. In the blink of an eye. Even my time zone right now. I'm staring at a big ‘Told you so’. Murphy’s Law followed me to the end of the world.

Price of honesty:

The moment I met her five months ago I knew she was the one. I don’t usually connect with people that soon but with her, it was instantaneous. My British rock song. Heck, she was my shock of the lightning. That song by Oasis will make you drop and dive out from an aeroplane. In fact I asked her out to skydive with me for our first date. I know. I'm awesome like that. I've never felt like that in a long, long time. So I guess you can imagine how she fuelled my attitude towards life. With all the petty mindless bickering that happened at home, I was half way convinced to take the next flight home. Finally after meeting her, it made sense to get up every morning, feel the sun on the face and see the light that reminded me that I'm finally here where I belong. The States. As I delightfully cherished her presence in my life, I could not put a label on my feelings for her. When I told her how I felt, she turned me down and shut the door on my face. She also told me that this would never happen in this lifetime. I figured it will be difficult for both of us to hang out together as we’re part of the same gang.  So I insisted that I walk away to which she refused and acted all cool about it. But the irony here is that soon after we're strangers. I was upset that she wouldn't even give the friendship that I wanted. Even an acquaintance. The California trip was the getaway that was supposed to set things right instead of spiralling down in flames into never-ending sorrow.   

The Unthinkable:

As soon as I returned, I began shifting my focus to other things that existed all of a sudden and shook me to my senses from oblivion. One thing led to another, I was estranged from my group of friends because of a misunderstanding. I had to jump ship when I realized that I was being treated unfair. I was expecting that everything will go down in flames with the heart screaming loud enough to reach the breaking point. The greatest pain is when you have to lie to yourself that everything will be alright. I was a prisoner of war to whom the light shines yet blinding and the things that make you happy are just mirages on a desert. I reached out to those things only to see them vanish into thin air. I did anything and everything that distracted me from all this. That's when I decided to do some physical activities like going to gym, playing volleyball and table tennis. Time answered when I asked, "Can it get more worse?". I twisted my right knee outwards when I dived to hit the ball. I heard a huge snap as I fell on the sand. One casual volleyball game turned into a nightmare. Doctors reckoned that the ligament and meniscus of the knee flipped, got buried within bones and that it needed to be surgically fixed. I couldn't walk from my bed to the kitchen to fetch water, let alone cook there. The braces poked me hard right into my leg muscles and crutches were a extra pair of legs. Parents, shocked and worried, were making arrangements for the surgery back in India as it was cheaper. Here I was consoling mom not to worry about my injury and that we could get through this when we can get through anything. Truth is, I couldn't show her the weak side of me as it would only make her more sad. Like all stages of my life that glorified darkness, I was left to fend off on my own. 

Incision of Hope:

In no time I was lying on the surgery table, not feeling the other half of my body as though it was cut away. The result of local anaesthesia that got punched in to my spine. Yet, I was able to hear the sawing and cutting loud and clear. I was brought back to the hospital bed after three painful hours. The pain kicked in as soon as the anaesthesia began to wear out as I slowly regain senses in my lower body. I started to spiral from within, screaming out in pain and so I was put to sleep with heavy dose painkillers. There was some scope of recovery when I went from not being able to walk to walking two feet with assistance. Getting up, walking, sitting upright. These were the things I was restricted to do. Yeah, I only could lie flat on the bed. As the leave period was tight, I was advised to go through a strict exercise regime for my leg so that I can get to my classes by Spring semester. 

Bend or Break:

"I can't feel my effing leg". I wanted to shout at the doctor's face when she wasn't happy that I was lagging behind. She was pushing me beyond my limits like an angry trainer. One week, I was lying motionless as my mom ran my errands for me. Friends and relatives were there to tell me stories with people with worse conditions than me. I was willing to pay goddamn million dollars to shut them up about it but I understood that they cared. I remembered the days I used to take long walks, run on the treadmill just to see how much farther I can go. Walking seemed like a distant dream. With cautious little struggles, I started to strengthen the quadriceps that will support the injured areas and I was able to lift my leg with great efforts. I refused any kind of assistance from parents and pushed aside the crutches so that I can walk. 

The Hook Awaits: 

I came back to the States even when there wasn't full recovery. Grad life was moving in a rapid pace that I thought I would drown in the jetstream. I figured that this was going to be a relapse after moving back in to the four walls that held me captive after injury. I don't know if I will be able to survive this. My reputation precedes me at this time and tells me how this time, it is going to be different. Yes, the pain and struggle will follow wherever I go. Besides I've got quite the rap sheet for picking fights with mediocrity all the time. Only now, I can plant my legs firm on the ground through the blizzard with my left leg supporting his brother, the right leg, with strength. I got angels watching me bare-knuckle boxing my way out. I will render a southpaw even when the storm is all in it's glory and uppercut the overwhelming odds. It's about time I levelled the playing field limping towards life one step at a time. 

Murphy's Law and a Head full of Dreams

October 22, 2015: Sunnyvale, California

Murphy's law. The name of a neon-lit Irish pub right at the centre of downtown Sunnyvale, California. Sixth day of my nine days long trip. The event was a live concert by a two-piece acoustic band who graced the mellow evening. The past few months time-lapsed right in front of my astral projection as I gulped down my fifth and last pint of beer. 

Gainesville, Florida. My new home. Although it's been four months since I moved in, the thought of living in a foreign country is still sinking in. I've tried to deliberately force it into me but the feeling is unwavering. The reason could be the fact that I've found a good number of people from the home country. Homies are invading the world I guess. These days mostly involved getting to know stuff. The rest of the days, we let the world know through Facebook that we are officially in the USA as we smiled for pictures that cropped out the painful goodbyes we had to bid. After numerous tests, assignments and unnoteworthy mentionable career fairs, we were scheduled to go for a fall break. Without having afterthoughts about it, I decided to pay a visit to my best buddy Sakti who's in California. We were planning to make trips together in this beautiful country for five or more years and I was meeting her after three years which was convincing enough to make this decision. I  also needed a break from the things that were happening since three months, over which I had no grasp. My problems were decentralized to a point where I decided to think of solutions to emotionally respond to all of them differently. As a passive witness to the things that constantly changed right in front of my eyes, my worries were concerned only about the goodbye that I could not bid to my parents. The day I was departing from India was so messed up due to some baggage docking issues that I had. I left in a hurry without looking back at the things that mattered. Staring at the flight window, I realised that I did not express farewell to them. I wanted to hug both of them and say goodbye. The thought that I would not return back in two years haunted me. Mom was apparently expecting that I would come back to say bye but I had to turn her down as I was going through security check. Though I was away from home for a while, I was hoping that I would spend some time with them at least when I was about to leave. Regardless, I discovered a group of eccentric individuals who would take care of me, feed me when my stomach growls and love me like their own (I had to push aside a certain number of aholes to reach this point). To a guy who was yearning for someone to make a cup of coffee or for a single seated table with food cooked with love, this was the dream. So this trip had to be somehow life-changing in several ways, to give me the resilience to put things back in perspective and finally allow me to drop the dead-weights and move forward. I thought I'd write everything on the beach so that the waves would wash them away. 

We were meticulously sketching out the details of the tour which consisted of activities like camping, hiking, kayaking and meteor-shower gazing. Pinterest allowed us to quickly track down locations, the surrounding camping sites and the breath-taking views it offered. Every inch of the plan was laid out perfectly and after ages, I was actually excited about something. The weather forecasts for the upcoming week showed that there was a 60% chance of rainfall in all the places of interest. So camping in Yosemite, Tahoe became a fiasco overnight and we had to look for new places. Sakti rerouted our entire travel itinerary to include camping at Fort Bragg on Day 1, a stopover at Los Angeles and the points all the way along Pacific Highway 1 on Day 8. 
       

Day 0:     Gainesville Regional Airport -> San Francisco International airport

The thrill of the travel became dormant as I got into some deep conversation with the an old Uber lady who picked me up from my apartment. She told me that her husband was a World War II veteran who was deployed in Germany, how she got along with the wives of other soldiers during the war. After relocating to the US, she said she studied to become a mason and that she's responsible for most of the buildings at University of Florida. She said she has a beautiful ranch up north with three horses and invited me over. I promised that I'd visit her with Indian food. The flight journey was horrendous as the weather was bad at Miami. I saw the couple sitting next to me holding hands with their eyes closed. They were visibly terrified because of the turbulence. My mood lightened up  when I saw Sakti and of course food! My soul and body liberated after seeing the plate full of bisibella bath with appalam waiting for me. I was craving for Indian food for weeks then. Frozen food isn't my type of thing. 

Day 1: Glass Beach, Fort Bragg

My first camping experience. We pitched the tent in the camp-ground which was accessible from the beach. Thanks to Walmart's return policy, we decided to return all the gear back to them after this trip. Gloomy skies accompanied by numbing chill winds greeted us at the Fort Bragg beach which seemed like the Shutter Island with a canopy of scary dark clouds. We cursed posts from Pinterest which boasted striking landscapes of this place. Nevertheless we walked along the coast trail hoping to find something attracting. As soon as the sun gradually began to show its face, the rocky cliffs turned from greyish tint to a warmer yellow. Buzzing tourists and locals started to unearth colourful stones from the shore. Sakti and I jumped in to the treasure hunt yet found only boring lifeless pebbles and I insisted that we walk further down till end of the trail. Surprisingly the sun was at it's zenith by the time we found those one of a kind stones shimmering as the waves hit them. I picked up a few stones for my collection. Rewarding it was, I grinned at the thought that this was going to be the one among many lands that I will be touching. We returned to the campsite at nightfall to have our dinner and campfire. A few slices of bread, salsa, nachos, chocolate milk made me happy that night. Though there wasn't anything much to do, I was delighted to just be a part of nature. 

Day 2 - Day 6: San Francisco, California

At the light of day, we began driving back. A Kayaking plan from Pier 39 to the AT&T Park was in the works. The huge, larger than life, Bay Bridge above the head and the San Francisco skyline in the front offered spectacular views. 

These days included checking out local sites. I shuttled from Sunnyvale to SFO in Caltrain. Trains have been a part of me all my life in India and I told Sakti that I wanted to travel by train here in America too. Watching a group of granddads gambling in Chinatown, climbing up the streets that looked like streets in the movie Inception, hopping into random vintage trams, tasting the Ghiradelli chocolate milkshake relaxing by the sea and getting back to a nostalgic journey to Sunnyvale in Caltrain were the agenda. 

I plugged into the ever omnipresent song, Death Cab for Cutie's I Will Possess Your Heart that has been playing in my head since I landed here in the USA. Me, myself and I. Life of a solo-traveller. Day in and Day out I walked through the streets of San Francisco. Longest walks I ever had in my lifetime. Not as exciting as holding hands in downtown Gainesville with random American girls and drinking shots of vodka that sent an electric shock through the spine. It was fun in a different way. 

Witnessed a meteor shower for the first time atop Mt.Hamilton. Me, Sakti, Suge, Lakshmi (Sakti's car) and Pattaabi (Suge's DSLR) sat on the road tracing meteors. I felt the presence of something of cosmic proportions. A sky full of stars and a head full of dreams. 

Snap back to the present. I decided to take a stroll in the streets as my vision of a couple who were dancing, began to fade. The music traversed to the back of my head as I walked away. To grab this drink, I had excused myself from a birthday party that I was supposed to attend. 

Day 7 - Day 8: Pacific Highway 1

We drove all the way to Los Angeles to drop Suge off and return via Pacific Highway 1. Malibu beach was one of the best beaches I've been to. Soft sand kissing the feet, blue skies, pleasant sea and beach bodies made it worthy of the name, Paradise cove. We drove along Highway 1 to see amazing views on either sides of the road. The happy part of the trip ended. 

I was reminded of the neon hoarding that said 'Murphy's Law' and I remembered how one adventure of a lifetime turned into a lackluster trip. Between surviving the gloomy weather, thinking about the right people who should have accompanied us during this trip, the disappointment because of not being able to visit some of the spectacular places, absence of any life-changing moments, I was rambling to myself. You must wondering why Murphy's law is part of the title of the post. Well it says, "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong" 

I was ready to pack my bags again to explore more places as soon as I was on-board the return flight. I thought I wouldn't be doing justice if I didn't acknowledge the other astounding landscapes I visited. I didn't come all the way across the world to get knocked down by Murphy's law. The expected view of the place or the people that I'm willing to make trips with. None of it matters now. I'm already throwing darts at the map to mark my upcoming trips. If you know me, I will stop at nothing to feed my wanderlust. Some day, I'll conquer the Colosseum, dance with the mountains in the Alps, sing to the waves in Hawaii and serenade under Aurora Borealis. In the deathbed, I will have a huge canvas painted with stunning moments of my explorations.

P.S: Meanwhile after reaching Gainesville, the next day in my class, Professor Selwyn talked about Murphy's Law. IT FOLLOWS. Middle-finger ready. 

The Longest Goodbye

Ever wondered how, out of the blues, your day lights up like a thousand suns?  When the moments are long gone, you are left with a wide smile across your face? What else could be the reason if not the people you spend your time with?  

It's always a very harsh goodbye when you are leaving someone after sharing a lifetime worth of memories. Off you go, unsure if you're ends are gonna meet someday. I wasn't much of a believer in keeping touch through technology even after I parted ways with someone. Strange that I thought I imperceptibly vanish out of their lives like a ghost. Both of us think that we have moved on and the connection breaks apart. I tamper with life like it's child's play and I subsequently start over. Like a calamity wiping out an entire area full of life. Snap. Like the clean slate protocol that I command my ever intelligent J.A.R.V.I.S. to do i.e. if I have one. Well I reached my vicious goodbye cycle once again not so long ago. Like every other time, I was about to do a reboot I admit.

"..the older you get the more people disappear and that's how it works. One day you are missing the company of someone and then the next day you'll remember a little less that they're gone. You adapt to the change and it doesn't make you a bad person to move on. That's life and that's just how people are."

- R.M. Drake 

At this moment, I'm at the beginning of a defining chapter of my journey. A break-through of sorts!!! What follows will send ripples and shock-waves across the timeline of events that occurred for the past six or seven years of my life. While I embark on this next episode, I wish to stop the spinning clocks for a moment to acknowledge the individuals who shaped the things that led to the future I'm off to pursue and the impact their friendship has on me, taking this post as an opportunity. 

Sure we'll have our goodbyes. Not just yet. Not now. After a while you begin to anticipate them. With the time we've got, I just want to wish you well. Best of luck for your future endeavors. I will miss out on two years of your life or may be longer but be darn sure that we will sit down on a bench and talk about it. Well, world is a small place. I know that we will have plenty of stories to tell. May be we could paint the town red. This picture below is carved out of the moments we shared. 

     

 This is Anirudh signing off. Goodbye. See you soon. Peace. 

Excerpt from an unposted letter

The journey from just an acquaintance to sharing the same quarters of the heart, was so dramatic and eventful. But I wasn't prepared to write about it until now. Guessed there was perennial lament already written all over it. As much as I'd wanted to express earlier, but too many boils spoils the broth. I have locked it in a trinket box which I threw long ago out in the ocean. I reach out whenever I needed it. I need it now. 

A mere glimpse would only give subtle hints but if you look hard enough, you can salvage tons of beautiful memory that shaped my very temperament. Sure it had grey unending melancholy but it had its moments. Like a light at the end of the tunnel, I was always piloted back home. I wore it like armor, unafraid to show the world who I truly was and ready to face the million arrows that was about to pierce through. The jagged pathways of self-discovery were seamless as the world became more habitable. As esteemed as the honor, one fights to attain, it made me tread with my head held high.      

This is an impeccable time to start over as the waves wash away my footprints and the aqueous sand gets back to it's primitive state. The words I carved during the course of this sojourn will guide me through till the end. Though circumstances will try to wipe them away, the impression lasts on forever. 

I promise. I promise to make plenty of endeavors like this in the future, to break new walls and to stare at the sun shine. When each night fades away, days will always be brighter than yesterday. I promise to send more postcards with vivid pictures of a perfectly painted life. I promise to make every second count collecting instances of joy and not regrets. I promise not to forget anything and if I'm lucky, the stars will live to tell my tale.    

Pillars of Strength:

When you try your best but you don't succeed

When you get what you want but not what you need

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

I will try to fix you!!

[Coldplay - Fix You]

This is what exactly friends do. They fix me. As I revisit the moments that changed my life altogether, I close my eyes and flashes of beautiful memories frame themselves around me. People always say friends enliven our life like million stars that lighten the dark and vast night sky. With friends, cups can be filled with oceans, infinity can be measured and pigs can be made to fly, they say.  Until I met these five, it was just a vague idea for me. 

Infosys, Mysore. The place where we met as part of our training and where we were destined to become geeky IT freaks. At least that's what people call themselves (Jerks!). Sigh. Okay. So, while we were destined to become them, we didn't have the slightest idea that we would hang out together all the time. Wait a sec. Nobody says hang out anymore. We gang out. Still doesn't sound new. Nah, we do whatever the eff we want. But together.  

Here are the rap sheets:

Lokesh AKA Loki: 

The leader of the pack. A proud iPhone owner. He's the most responsible person in the group and a die hard fan of Steve Jobs. He's like if you give him a broom, he would paint Mona Lisa with it. Be it any job, he'll get down to business in a matter of seconds and finish it with utmost perfection. He and I, we're the opposite sides of a coin. He's all that I'm not and couldn't be. I would look like his evil twin. We've got pretty much similar tastes in movies and are RDJ (Robert Downey Jr.) fans. 

While there was imminent death by Java for me, I used to vent my stress off in the TT court. This guy beat me in every single match we ever played. But there were days where we both beat the crap out of the opposite team when we played doubles. Smash after smash, the rivals would go wailing to their moms. I wish I could beat him once. Don't worry brodha, you're defeat is not far away. 

Nivetha AKA Names of all animals: 

The girl who never gets tired brawling verbally with me and we go to war all the time. We don't even call each other using our names. She's like this friend who you always bicker with. I never knew her until then but we stuck together with glue in no time. Loves to object and oppose my taste in women. Likes Eva Mendes. I bet she doesn't have even little idea of who Mendes is. (I'm gonna get kicked for this!) A shopping junkie.

She's the person I go to, to drain all my sorrow and she is a kinda friend who would slap you hard to tell you that you're doing something stupid. Girl, no matter how hard it looks, things will eventually turn out good. Stop chasing shadows, just enjoy the ride!  

Ganesh Singh AKA Salsa Singhu:   

The guy who likes the 'salsa' girl. I'm sure he's already running away reading this. He cares a lot about the others in the group. He's very much dysfunctional without his mobile. You gotta give a lot of credit to him as he likes to be glued to the IRCTC website. Whenever the both of us meet , we keep swearing like hell, talking rubbish. We would later be ashamed to see everyone around shut off their ears to stop listening to what we swear and we would still continue. 

Raji AKA Raji:

Sensible and Silliest cuteness she is. The bond that binds us together. Typical South Indian girl. There will be a character in every Indian movie who represents the audience. This character asks questions or doubts to the hero on whatever the hero does. The act is done to prevent audience from getting lost from the film's plot and to prevent them raising questions about the logic in the film. I would say that she would perfectly fill that role with much elegance. A dosa lover. Right at the brink of midnight, go to the food court near the multiplex and you'll see her with two dosas. It was two every single time. 

I felt so irrecoverable and lonely after all my college classmates were moved to a different training level. With all those pages of code, it gets gnarly you know. I had her best company to beat the odds. 

Anita AKA The English Teacher:

There's always this person in the group who would correct all the misspellings and wrong word usage in English. She's that fourth grade English teacher we all feared with incredibly huge glasses and a long ruler to spank our palms. We would spend years decoding what she says on Whatsapp and she doesn't have any idea what she's trying to say. 

She's the spiritual face of the pack. Trust me, she can make miracles happen. She once prayed that nobody should ever understand what she types and it happened. Kidding. She prayed that I should get a transfer to my home state and it unbelievably happened. Keep praying girl. 

So this is pretty much my life. Yes, they are my life. We are now separated miles apart with everyone living at different corners of the country. Occasional conference calls keep us together. I feel like I'm kinda paralyzed without them. Hoping to breathe together again. Chaos will be cheesecake. With friends like these, I could even stare back at God if there is any staring competition. He would be the first one to blink.